We all fall down
by LiveLaughLoveTourmaline
Summary: Courtney's life is the farthest thing from what she dreamed and she reflects on how she has ended up where she is. "All of us fall down, but only some choose to stand back up." Oneshot/AU. Rated T for some swearing.


**I felt like writing an angst-y one shot today, so here it is.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Total Drama characters or anything from the franchise.**

This was never in her plan. She was supposed to go onto great things, not sit and drink the pain away in a barren apartment. The amount of dust in it would be enough to send anyone with the slightest allergies into a seemingly never-ending fit of sneezes, but she had gotten accustomed to it.

She winced as she sat up a little straighter in the old plastic chair, gripping the bottle of whisky tightly in her right hand. She brought it to her lips, appreciating the burn it brought as it trickled down her dry throat.

With a heavy sigh, she stood, and stumbled over to the tiny bathroom. It was disgustingly dirty, with yellow tiles and an even more yellow ring in the bathtub to match. She slammed the bottle onto the cracking counter, and slowly raised her head to meet the dull onyx eyes of her reflection. She snorted at what she saw.

There had been a time when she had been beautiful. Her hair had been mocha and it used be thick and full. Her eyes used to sparkle, and her tanned skin used to have a healthy glow. That was all gone.

The woman who stared back at her looked like a risen corpse. Her hair had lost all body and was as dirty as the neglected toilet in the corner of the bathroom. Her skin was starting to take on a slightly grey tint and her eyes looked lifeless.

"What happened to me…?" She croaked out, her voice strained.

"I used to have it all… I had a life planned out for me… How did I end up here?" She really didn't need to bother asking; she knew exactly how she ended up there.

She had been the perfect girl in high school. She had the highest GPA, she had been the captain of her school's debate team and of course she had headed all of the leadership projects. She had her entire life planned out, from where she would go to law school, to what her children's names would be.

He hadn't been a part of the plan. Her lips curled up in a smirk as she remembered him. He had been the worst of the worst, but those ice blue eyes had caught hers and she was hooked. He was her gateway drug; he was the one who showed her the world that she was now a part of. She lost herself for a moment, as she let memories wash over her.

_ "Do you really have to do that right now?" Courtney demanded, hands on her almost none existent waist. Her boyfriend made a face at her, but continued placing small pills into a tiny plastic bag._

_ "Relax princess, this is how I make my money to take you to all those expensive places you love so damn much." She turned her nose up at the statement. Her curiosity got the better of her, and she slowly made her way to kneel on the floor next to them._

_ "I can't believe I'm dating a criminal." She muttered to herself. He laughed loudly at that._

_ "Who cares, you know you love me." He didn't bother looking at her, which she was thankful for. He didn't need to know that he was right, and her crimson blush would have easily given that away. _

_ "What are those anyways?" She asked, simply for the sake of conversation. He sealed another bag as he answered her._

_ "I don't really know to be honest, I just get them from Johnny and sell them to college kids who need energy to take exams or whatever. According to him, it's meds for people who ADD or ADHD or whatever the hell it is. If you don't have it and take this shit then it can do wonders for you. All I know is that I make a fortune selling it to those poor suckers who think getting an education will get them a job." Courtney rolled her eyes at his explanation._

_ "You're terrible Duncan." He smirked at her._

_ "I know." He replied, before grabbing her tightly and kissing her._

She sighed as the memory faded away. He had been her first love and a terrible influence. She learned things from him that she never should have known. She should have been thankful when he cheated on her with a depressing Goth girl, but it had enraged her. She had focused all of her energy on hating the two of them; she had let them win.

Her grades had dropped, but she was still able to get into a university across the country, she had realized that she would never have to worry about them again. But university had been the turning point for her; it was where everything had gone wrong.

_"How am I supposed to pay for tuition this semester? I can't take out another student loan… I'm screwed. And I have exams coming up, none of which I've studied for because I've been working at that shitty part time job that is practically hell!" She screamed out in frustration, tears of anger rolling down her flushed cheeks. _

_ "What the hell am I going to do?" She murmured softly, her head falling into her arms. _

_ "Well, you could stop screaming at 7 am, that's one idea." Her roommate said, her voice muffled by the covers that she was under._

_ "Sorry Izzy, I just don't know what to do." Courtney replied, her voice defeated._

_ "Go into my desk drawer, and take some of those pills. They'll help you focus. Hell, take the whole bottle, I've decided to stop taking my ADHD meds, I think they're screwing with my head, so you may as well take them." _

_ In any other circumstance, she would never have taken them. But when you're desperate, even your own demise looks tempting._

They had worked wonders at first, but when a university finds out you're abusing pills in order to get good grades, it is likely that they will find a way to have you kicked out. That was exactly what had happened to her, and the instant she was out, she began to drink.

It had started out as a simple coping mechanism-she would have one or two glasses of wine to help her forget about the mistakes she made in university. She had moved back home where her parents immediately kicked her out. They had told her they didn't want her in their house because of how she had acted. She had cried and screamed, but it did nothing. That was when two glasses turned into one or two bottles.

She had found him after a week of living in a motel. They had run into each other as she was headed out to the liquor store and he was headed out to meet a client. They had stood frozen for a moment, and suddenly it was all back to normal.

He invited her to come and live with him in his apartment, which she had gladly accepted. She didn't tell him about what she had done, and he didn't ask. Instead, he would just look at her with those icy eyes of his and she would do whatever he asked. She knew that she was in his debt.

He didn't mind her drinking at all, in fact, he welcomed it with a smirk. He thought that it made her more bearable and much more fun. It was when she was drunk that she agreed to help him sell his product.

They were lovers and business partners, caught up in the heat of the moment. She didn't mind that this is what her life was, she could hardly remember a time when she had aspired to be more. She was happy with him, and life seemed to be kind to her for once.

But all good times must end, and suddenly he was arrested when he tried to sell to an undercover cop. She had managed to evade arrest, but she realized that she had no way of supporting herself. He had been the one to get the product, not her.

She had no money to bail him out, no money to buy food or pay rent and most importantly, no money to buy her drinks.

She took drastic measures; she turned to the world's oldest profession as they call it. It was horrid, but it paid well and she could continue paying for the apartment and the one thing keeping her sane. It was rare for her to ever be sober, she was always drunk or always on something. This was who she was now, she had fallen so far that the girl she had once been was hardly even a memory. She missed that girl that she had once been.

Slowly she raised a hand to the mirror. No tears fell, no sadness was in her eyes. There was only pain and suffering. Yet amongst that, there was a glimmer of hope.

"I had dreams, I was going to be a big hot shot lawyer with my own firm. That's all in the shitter. I have no one to blame but myself, and I have nowhere to go but up. We all fall down, but only some of us choose to stand back up." She opened the bottle of whisky and poured it down the drain.

"I can only rely on myself. I'm never going to get to where I dreamed I would end up, but I will stand back up." She said, determination etched onto her face. Courtney Trey may have fallen down, but she had never lacked determination, no matter what she was doing.

Her life may have been in ruins, but she would stand tall. She would fix herself no matter what she had to do.

"I will stand back up."

**Well, there you go! Hopefully it was enjoyable.**

**I wanted to write about Courtney and Duncan with a realistic turn of events. The only time Courtney ever appeared to lose herself was when she was with a guy and Duncan was not a good person for her to be with. However, she always had determination, and I think if anyone could pull themselves out of a terrible life, it would be Courtney. ****  
**

**Please review with your thoughts.**

**-Tourmaline**


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